If you saw my post from here you will know that my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for over a year
(1 year & 6 months to be exact).
We really want a baby.
I had an appointment last week with my doctor and will have some tests done soon.
Husband had his tests on Wednesday last week and he is all healthy as far as we know. They will get a few more results back on Friday.
If I'm totally honest I have been really angry with God.
Getting pregnant is not something I can control.
I can't just say I want to be pregnant on this day and it happens.
So this is where my anger with God comes in.
Can't he just give me a baby?
I know we can adopt, but I'd love to experience being pregnant and giving birth and knowing that this child came from my husband and I.
Such a beautiful miracle!
There are too many people out there who don't even want to be parents, yet they get pregnant on "accident" and we are actually trying. On purpose.
Not only that, but I know how much I would love my children.
When I think about how much we love our little dog (silly I know), I think about how much more I would love our children!
Yes, I need to be patient but that doesn't mean I have to pretend like I don't get down about it.
It doesn't mean I have to pretend like I don't get sad when I think about how bad I want to be a mommy!
It also doesn't mean I don't think about how wonderful a father Jason is going to be and that I can't wait for the day it happens!
However, I don't want to be angry with God.
Because I love Him so much!
He's taken such good care of me already and has blessed my husband and I so much!
I shared my feelings, hurts, and anger with some of my girlfriends last week and they prayed for me.
I do believe in the power of prayer.
They didn't pray that God would give me a baby.
Just that His will would be done and that he would comfort me and give me some peace.
I also believe that counting the blessings you already have can help remind you how blessed you already are!
So today I woke up feeling blessed.
I woke up with some peace in my heart.
I don't have answers.
I still want a baby just as much as yesterday.
But I'm not angry with God.
I'm also reminded today that I am so blessed already.
So what's next?
Well I'm not sure.
(I'm hoping to get some answers after my tests are done.)
But tomorrow can wait.
Today I will count my blessings and think about how I can be a blessing to others.
Thank you, heavenly Father.
PS: Your prayers are always welcome too :)